OPERATION #lovingpeta Day 15 (I’ve decided this is the day I am up to)

OPERATION #lovingpeta
Day 15 (I’ve decided this is the day I am up to)
Not gonna lie....I came home yesterday after being away staying at my Mum and Dads in an idyllic REST-haven of a glorious house on the river, with a pantry full of food, clean floors, tidy lounge, comfy couches, bright sunlit indoor courtyard to eat lazy lunches in, a clean shower that throws the water at you in soft full drenching drops, a Mum that cooks all of your favourite food and is nearly as funny as I am, a Dad that fills my car up with petrol and my winny-wiper water with a dash of detergent (that empty light has been on my dashboard staring at me for weeks!), magnificent sunsets, walks along one of the best beaches in the world, happy kids jetty jumping and playing with their cousins, great food, coffee, lying in bed till midday reading books....
Then I walked into my house and I could fell all of my good joo-joo drain out of me as my heart sank....UGH! 
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It was the smell that hit me first - stale with a distant hint of old bin that should have been emptied a week ago mixed with the musty scent of dog and cat. 
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Then it was the darkness, the house we rent is an old one that is naturally dark with wooden floors and fuck-awful velvet peach drapes on the lounge window. 
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Next I see all of the dust on the shelves, the dirt and scraps and fuck-knows what else on the floor mixed with cushions, beam bags and empty cracker packets and pop-sticks scattered and strewn about. 
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Nec minute as I’m surrounded by 5 suitcases that are not unpacked yet, full of 20 hundred zillion loads of washing for me to do - I hear kids complaining that they are hungry, tired and ‘where’s my iPod charger?’ 
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So I move through into the bedrooms part of our not-so-cute-little-house feeling more and more claustrophobic as even they are full of scattered toys, un-made beds and a new aroma of stale/damp towel and I realise that I am not breathing and I am THIS CLOSE TO LOSING MY SHIT!!!!! 
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I walk into the kitchen (thankfully this is at least clean) and try to collect myself as the rising panic has me gripped by the throat with wide wild eyes searching around for the best next step to take as I feel a distant screaming in my head, so I absently start to move about picking up cushions, opening suitcases, sweeping up the worst pile of debris in the lounge, opening windows, putting on every diffuser I own with an uplifting deodorising citrus blend and my mind is racing from this point to that part to this way and to that with thoughts of ‘OMFG we have to move house immediately’ to ‘maybe if I just chuck out everything and start again’ to ‘don’t be stupid you can’t afford a whole new house of furniture’ to then getting on gumtree to find a second hand couch that at least isn’t ripped, with great chasms that once you sit in you can’t get out of... ‘Right found one, so now where am I gonna get a trailer from to go pick it up and take all this other stuff to the dump....’ at this point I step outside to get some fresh air to be greeted by 3 chooks who’ve escaped and consequently shat everywhere, dead pot plants, leaves piled high, old boxes that we tried to grow herbs in, old broken chairs and I feel the stinging of tears trying to burst out of my eyes and I walk into the kitchen where my wonderful husband is making pizzas to feed hungry kids and I announce in a voice that’s a little too high with an edge of manic “just popping down to grab a bottle of bubbles - can I get you anything?”
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I get in the car and start driving with clenched jaw, stalk into the grog shop, pluck out my drug of choice (a nice Pinot Noir Rosè) jump back in the car grab my phone ready to ring someone to cry and complain to when I suddenly stopped myself took some deep breaths and fully stepped into the place of being a ‘witness’ of myself in that moment, no judgement, just noticing all that was going on within myself, and instead of my inner critic chiming in with ‘you are such a shit house wife, what a fucking loser’, my new #lovingpeta compassionate voice began to softly speak soothing words to me ‘oh I see what your doing, I recognise this, that’s ok hunny, you’re ok babe, you don’t need to go down this rabbit hole do you, no, ok so it’s absolutely ok to feel this way and I get it - your environment is important to you, a beautiful environment is relaxing for you, soothing for you, supportive for your inner being to be in a place of clam, creative flow. What if, just what if you could give yourself two weeks to do a bit of a tidy up and spring clean or hey why not even the whole month of January to potter around and slowly but surely create a beautiful environment for yourself, pot some new plants, take down those fuck-awful curtains and yeah you’re right those hazardess couches have got to go but everything doesn’t have to happen in the next 48 hours does it?’
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I felt myself come back to my centre and I even had a smile to myself, phew! Crisis averted and as I drive back home and walked back inside the filth-hut I was filled instead with hope, possibility, calm, reassurance and I could suddenly see and feel what the next best thing to do was - sit down with my huz and a nice glass of wine to chat about how his day was and slowly begin a plan of attack (albeit a casual soul-supportive plan of attack) on how I was going to start loving my house and my environment by cleaning it, revitalising it and caring for it - much the same as I’ve been doing for myself. 
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ps I only had two glasses of wine not the whole bottle
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pss I’m going to pick up that couch from gumtree this afternoon!!
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Oil that I used in my diffuser - Arise - a beautiful new blend from the Yoga Range.

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